Limericks 2

Every two weeks – a set of limericks.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all.
And now he’s a college professor.

‘Tis a favorite project of mine:
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning,
But man spoiled his chances by sinning.
We trust that the story
Will end in God’s glory,
But at present the other side’s winning.

Is it me or the nature of money
That’s odd and particularly funny?
‘Cause when I have dough,
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee!”
“Let us fly!” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
“Have you needle and thread?”
I enquired, but he said,
“No, igloo them not sew them, you know.”

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
They quarreled, I’m told,
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

I met her in chat, she was neat,
Her photo was pretty, petite.
We met for a meal,
I saw her for real,
I screamed and then ran down the street!

There was an old girl of Genoa,
And I blush when I think that Iowa.
She’s gone to her rest;
It’s all for the best,
Otherwise I would borrow Samoa.

A forgetful old gasman named Dieter,
Who went poking around his gas heater,
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.

Limericks 1


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